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Online dating as a bigger woman can be brutal. I’ve been called a “fatty” or “fat bitch” by men on Tinder, or told that men would only have sex with me as a favor, because men could never be attracted to someone my size. I’m not insecure about my appearance, but when I first got into online dating, I found myself obsessing over my weight in an entirely different way.
I worried my pictures made me look thinner than I actually am, and men would call me out for “lying” about my size. On sites like OkCupid, where you have to fill out a series of questions relating to sex, dating, and personality, I’d preemptively check how a guy answered questions like “would you date someone who is overweight? I eventually got over this, and I realized I’d created problems for myself that didn’t need to exist.
But I was intrigued when I heard about WooPlus , a new dating app for plus-sized men and women to date freely, without the fear of being fat-shamed. According to Michelle Li, one of the co-founders of WooPlus, the idea for the app came after viewing a viral “social experiment” video, where men reacted viciously to being set up on a Tinder date with a woman who ended up being fatter than she appeared in her photos. This same video cites a study that says women’s greatest fear in heterosexual dating is that they’ll be matched with a serial killer, and men’s greatest fear is that they’ll be matched with a woman who is fat.
If that’s actually true I couldn’t find the study , I can see how an app like WooPlus is meant to be a safe space of sorts. Of course, the idea also has its flaws: Does an app like WooPlus put too much emphasis on weight, rather than looking past someone’s size to get to know him or her as a person? Does it fetishize big women, or attract people who are simply looking to fulfill a fantasy with someone BBW? When I later asked Li about this, she said: “We can’t stop it all, but we have a lot of features already in place where we’re detecting certain words [like fetish] and removing those users right away.
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